I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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