also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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