He is like the real live version of the state fair..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You were trust falling into bushes
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
