good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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