Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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