white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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