I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
