just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
