a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
