Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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