Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
