I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
