I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
