I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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