dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize