No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
