I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
