Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
