i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
