Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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