I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
