How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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