it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
