New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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