the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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