i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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