She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you will always have a special place in my vag
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
