I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
