i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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