your parents love me but you hate me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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