Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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