and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
