Say something about gay babies.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We left the knife in your bed.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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