i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
