How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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