The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
