Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
