But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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