Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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