the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
