M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
