nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
