I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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