you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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