pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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