Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
