I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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