Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
