I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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