My first STD was from a foam party
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
