god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
