So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
