shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
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She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
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spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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