a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
