I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
