3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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