there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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