we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
