Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
