guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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