I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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