So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
