Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
